I'm finally back in Estonia. After 11 months, I'm back. I've been home like what..5 days? And I'm sick and tired of it. Parents. "Big" city. Transport. I don't like these things.
I kind of having my own room with my stuff that is all there, and not just..you know.. temporarily. I don't have to think about packing it all up and leaving. (okay, I kind of do, but most of it still stays there, forever.) (forever is a long time...)
But there's no 24h Spar or any kind of shops closer than 40 minutes to walk (13 with a bike, and like 3 with a car).. But I just can't step out and walk everywhere (I could but it would take forever).
It's always like that when I'm home. I feel like everything is too far away. I never have a problem with walking for days in London.. or walking around Bristol or Paris or any other big city or town or whatnot. In Tallinn, I just can't, I don't know what it is, but I just can't.
When at home I don't want to do anything. These 5 days I've been just made myself home on the kitchen sofa. Living online. All the food near me which is the worst thing in life, I think. We have a sofa in our kitchen, the most comfortable sofa in our house, mind you. Obviously I just sit here and just..eat. I've seen two of my friends but just because they've come to me. If I would've had to go somewhere.... basically, it would've never happened.
I had made plans of going for a jog and stuff.. But I kind of feel that as soon as I step out of the house I'll be judged.. "Where're you going? Why? Why are jogging? Why?WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?"
So by day 5 I've already just shut myself down. I've started to ignore my mum or just listen to her in silence, and leave once she's finished talking. It's horrible but it always happens. With my mum specially. Everything she says just annoys me soo much. It might be just normal mum talk or a you know just "How was your day?" kind of thing but it's SO annoying. It's weird. I don't even know why. But I can never answer her normally, I have to be sarcastic and mean.
Brother came home today, I missed him. Miss my sister too. Never before have I missed them. 11months. I guess even I start missing people.
