Firstly, I don't understand why people are so upset for Matt Smith leaving DW? I mean, that's what this show is all about - change. Or have I understood it wrong? And, he has been there forever already.. I mean, poor Eccleston only got 1 season. (I'm probably disliking 11 more because he didn't change companions like 10 did.. and it got really repetitive, I'm enjoying 11 and Clara though..)

Secondly, I have a love-hate relationship with searching for houses. It'd be all nice and stuff when I wouldn't be searching them for 3 other people, if it where just my choice. And if I actually knew anything about Bristol, which I don't, ha. And I'm actually really surprised that the searching responsibility has been mine, I never take lead in any group things, I hate leading people, urgh.

Thirdly, I'm freaking out because of jobs. Like. I feel like I don't know ANYTHING about theatre. N kept saying (ages ago though, and to be fair he hasn't seen anything I've done this year, so he really shouldn't have said anything..) (also I'm disappointed that he left Aber without saying anything to me, cool dude, very cool) how I could easily get a job in a college or uni's technical team. DUDE, I know nothing. NOTHING. And I really feel like working in theatre isn't something you can learn from a textbook, it has to be actual experience, and so far, I haven't seen any job offers in Bristol. Which kind of wants me to just go and say: "Oy, dudes and dudette, sorry, but I'm not coming, I'm going to London instead". But then I find myself thinking that I'll end up in London anyway, sooner or later.. That's where everything theatre is in UK, and you can't help yourself not ending up in London if you want any work in theatre. So maybe it's better that I'm in Bristol. Maybe I won't get a job in theatre, well at least not straight away, but I'm close to everywhere, and I can experiment, and yeah.
I'm very scared of the future. Very.

The Moon Hide

Finished my last scenography project in uni. LAST. And I feel nothing. But I like being with scenographers. We almost form a little weird family (can't ever compare with FallingSilenters though, there's too much whining and bitching for my liking). And it's also the first time in ages that I'm actually surrounded by only British people, meaning I don't have any chance to speak Estonian (because I always end up with a few Estonians, somehow), and I think my English is improved loads in these two weeks. I can actually maybe talk normally.

Also, I've been so much more social during these two weeks than I have this whole uni year. Improvements.
Going out and stuff. And Rosa let me taste her drink, and I might've actually found a drink that actually almost tastes quite alrighty.
Also. I have the tendency to mirror the people around me. So if people around me are drunk, I act drunk (without drinking anything) or if they start being really loud then I do that too. Or sometimes I'm the complete opposite. And just shut down completely. Just sit back and watch. And wonder How?

And more about scenography. It's... weird? or interesting? how none of the tutors and markers like my Moon. But most random visitors or other lecturers from uni or all the scenographers seem to really like it. (Or they just say that because I was standing before my Moon Hide, and you can't come out with out seeing me, and most people don't go "Yeah, whatever it was shit") So, I'm really confused. But I don't think I'll get a good mark for it. Which is kind of a shame because I had the chance to get a 1st overall, but I don't think it's going to happen now. (I don't mind, but it would've been really nice..)

Yeah. It's weird that it's over now. Last week, and beginning of this week my only wish was that it would be over. But I don't think I realised then that it's actually the last uni work in ever. And it kind of makes me sad. And scared, because I don't know what will happen next.

Spoilers

"The Name of The Doctor"

More of that..

This season of DW is quite..boring...but exciting at the same time..
Like the ghost one, what was it called.. Eeemh, Hide! had that quality that season like 3 had. Where I have to stop the episode every once in a while just to relax for a second. Too much tension to watch in one go.

And now I'm on the latest episode. The episode that ACTUALLY and really aired today. That's really weird. And after I've seen it.. what then? I have to wait a week like normal people to see the next episode. That's a bit rubbish... But I'll do it anyway. Because..at least I don't have to do anything that actually needs doing.

I hate weeping angels with a passion.
But to have "weeping" cherubs is just silly.
Or to have "weeping" you know.. Statue of Liberty.
Because we'd all be dead, wouldn't we? Because, to quote a previous episode "That which holds the image of an Angel becomes an Angel" or something.
Or is this a paradox because everyone would constantly be transported back in time? Constantly. Well.. until you blink that is..



But Oh, Clara is fascinating.
Mystery.
The Christmas Episode was... Was almost as good as like what season 2 or something was.. When there wasn't just storytelling/plain action until during the last 10 minutes Doctor magically fixes everything.
And then we went on to Bells of St John, and it was the same old thing again.  But still, Great Intelligence becomes the new BadWolf (and to be fair, I still don't completely know what BadWolf was about.. I kind of do, but you know.. Blergh?!)
I'm excited.
That's the bad thing with DoctorWho. You can't be completely oblivious to it. I mean.. You can't JUST watch it. It is a very cleverly written show (even if you'd like to protest, quite often..) but it has hints. All over the place. And whether you want it or not, sooner or later you'll pick some of them up, and then it intrigues you, and you need to keep watching. In hopes that these clues will make up a picture in the end. (No matter how humanly impossible it might be in the end... )

Across the universe

"How did she get in?"
"She came in through the bathroom window"

And I lose my shit every time.

You clever film, you clever, clever film.

It's actually not a good-Good film. I mean, there's no exceptional acting or singing or anything. Just quite an usual love story accompanied by Beatles music. And amazing soundscapes and sound editing. Enough to make me watch it over and over again (Alright, I mostly just skip to the songs because... Beatles and sound editing...)


Sometimes, I'd like to go across the universe. Right to the other end. And become one with the rock, ice and gas giants. And the light that I would shine, would be from the past. No one could ever catch up with me. They'd always be late. Always.

Not good..

Everything's out of proportion. My world is distorted.

The kitchen floor is full of nebulas.
Time has slowed down, and then suddenly it goes really fast.
I have nightmares about things going wrong, but the things have already happened, months ago, and nothing went wrong then, and nothing can be changed.
I find myself staring at one point for minutes and minutes.
I want to scream and cry, but all I can manage is a few pathetic tears.
My motivation is below zero.

I don't want to.

I'm broken.
It's not the best time to be broken.

I am so scared.